ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) (。♥‿♥。) (⊙ヮ⊙) (~ ̄▽ ̄)~ (╯︵╰,)( ´∀`)☆ (o´ω`o) (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ (✖╭╮✖) ( °٢° ) (´ヘ`;) (╹◡╹)凸

ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) (。♥‿♥。) (⊙ヮ⊙) (~ ̄▽ ̄)~ (╯︵╰,)( ´∀`)☆ (o´ω`o) (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ (✖╭╮✖) ( °٢° ) (´ヘ`;) (╹◡╹)凸

Guacamole recipe!

I made guacamole for the first time ever today! 
I usually just buy the pre made, unhealthy guacamole when I want it. But today i thought NO MORE! So I checked some recipes online and realized how easy it was to make your own. You don't need much stuff at all. Specially not me when I don't like a lot of spices and extra ingredients in my food. I decided to give it a try and it turn out really good! So here is my recipe on guacamole!

Rotopia 2.0

If you like Minecraft, my fiancé runs a youtube channel with minecraft content and he just released a new world tour and world download for his let's play map. If you download the map you should also download and use his costumized John Smiths resource Pack: http://goo.gl/Ggyw2c, to make the map look the way it should.

You can download the map here: http://goo.gl/5Q3PSS. The intro in the video below shows a new addition to the world which is a quest/adventure feature. To finish the quest you'll have to solve seven riddles, travel to seven different locations and find seven magical sculls.

He has put a lot of work into this world, 700+ hours in game time and it's all done in single player survival hard mode.

Musikhjälpen against spreding of HIV

If you were planning on donating money (you need a Swedish cell phone number) and also believe in a decriminalisation of cannabis, or that Swedens narcoticpolitics are crapdonate in this groups name! All money goes to help stop the spreading of HIV!

There has been a lot of negative things written about the facebook group "Avkriminalisera cannabis" (translated to "Decriminalize cannabis") lately. Why? Because the group decided to use the groups name when donating money to Musikhjälpen to help stop the spreading of HIV. Most groups who start a donation to Musikhjälpen puts their groups name on the donation. But just because of the name it was seen as a cup to spread the word about the decriminalization instead of HIV. In the beginning they almost forced the group to change them name or they would remove all the donations, even though they had the same name last year. So what is different from last year? From last year until now the group has grown a lot and was able to donate a lot more money this year. Many groups choose to put their names on the donationbanks (not sure what to call them) to get some sort of attention, media has made it sound as if it's something only avkriminalisera cannabis has done.

Once again media wants to censor. I have already donated money in the groups name and will do so again before the time is up later today (not sure about what time, I couldn't find information about that).

This group have actually set the record for most money donated to Musikhjälpen trough the donationbanks ever! 


I was going to write here how proud I was over myself today. But I just had a really, really bad anxiety attack, or still sort of am. I haven't been able to stop crying yet but I am in control over my body, so I'm not hitting things or myself anymore. I just got the first comment on my blog that really got to me and I guess this is why I stoppped blogging. I can't handle it sometimes. It was about Spock and I still haven't been able to not blame myself for what happened. That I got so ill that I coudln't take care of my baby :( I miss him so much. I feel so horrible when I think if him because so many have put the blame on me, for beeing such a bad person for having him and then having to give him up. I wish with all my heart that he was here with me now and that I could manage to take care of him. It's not that I didn't know how much work it would be, I knew, both Roberto and I knew. But I got so sick and we didn't want him to suffer because of me. He was to young to be able to handle me getting so sick. I couldn't walk without having trouble to breathe, those problems are gone now but I had them for quite some time after Spock left. + there are more to this than what I want to write for everyone to read, I guess that's something that is easily forgotten.

I don't even know what I have written now. I don't really know what I answered to that comment either. ugh I'm so empty and sweaty now. I was having such a good day, I managed to go into down and get some mulled wine and Roberto and I was going to have such a cosy evening when he got home from work. I don't know if I'm up for that anymore. Hopefully I'll be able to calm down completely and let this go for today. I know Spock is having it so amazingly great with his new family. Even though I wish more than ever that he was still here with me. I want to stop blaming myself for something that wasn't my fault and I want it to stop hurting.

I've started to calm down comletly now. I'm happy and proud that I managed to go into town and buy mulle wine. I'm mostly proud that I even got out of the apartment! Roberto will be home soon and we'll have pizza! Yum yum yum! No more blaming myself for putting Spocks needs before my own.

Here are some pictures from earlier today when I was happy with Mew. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Pygmy goat!

So cute, I wish I lived on the country side so I too could have a goat (and lots of other animals too)!

New green smothie recipe.

This is my first green smoothie in a very long time. I did a little bit of experimenting. I put in some hemp seeds and broccoli along with what I usually use. It turned out lovely! 

As I wrote earlier I went shopping yesterday and only bought a bunch of organic vegetables for this. Even though I don't have a lot of money to spend on food I want what I get to be as good for me as possible. Not saying I don't eat junk, I do haha, but I think you understand what I mean. I haven't found organic mango yet, or not frozen. But I will start to do my smoothies from whatever organic things are avalible for my wallet from now on!


Yepp, this is me. I'm pretty sure I was 15 here. not 100% sure, I may have been 16. It's 8-9 years ago. Baaah, I was 16 yesterday...

No sleep and lots of sleep.

I was just up for 2 days straight, sort of, I slept about 2-3 hours. So that I would get my regular sleep rythm back. Do you think that worked? NO. I fell asleep aroun 9pm yesterday and slept until 11.30am today. I will make a new try going to bed early today and once again put my alarm on 8am! I believe it will make me feel a little better getting back to that. But, what I noticed when I was staying up so long, that actuall made me feel better. Becuse I did not have to start a new day. But, but, but... This morning it doesn't feel that bad waking up either, so I guess if I can wake up early and feel the same as if when I'm up for two days, that would be great!

I really do feel better today. It feels a bit odd, good odd.

I went shopping yesterday and bought a bunch of organic fruit and vegetables. I was thinking to start with those huge green smoothies for breakfast again. It's the only vegan breakfast I can come up with that I like, other than unhealthy ones. I also threw alot of old food away from the freezer. It was food I didn't know was old but it said that the best for date was years ago. Ha, I don't know if that's bad to eat or not, but it was food I would never eat and I needed the space in there. I will now be btter not to try so many new things. That's why I throw away food, because I try to do as people tell me and try new foods because "you will find something you like". Yeh.. no. I will now only buy new things to try when I have a feeling that I actually will like it, or at least so much that I will eat it and not throw it away.

I don't know why I used to listen to people who told me that. I know that I only like a few things and I'm very happy with that. Hmm maybe because its said to be unhealthy to eat the same food almost every single day for months in a row (weeks at its minimum). When I posted recipies etc, I tried really hard to come up with things, when I would rather eat the same old foods I always do. It was mainly because I was trying to be healthy with my foods in a very (for me) difficult way. I now just change the unhealthy alternative in the foods I already like to a healthier one. I feel it works a lot better for me! I will make a video with my top foods, I think I will be able to put everything I eat on that list. Maybe i should call it "the only foods I like", or something, it will be quite short.

I don't have a photo of the foods or the freezer, so here is a photo of me and Roberto!

FOTD: comfortable.

"coffee" eye pencil and "blacktrack" fluidline
studio sculpt foundation (to define brows)

"quarry", "sketch" and "blanc type" eyeshadows
"smolder" eye pencil and "blacktrack" fluidline

not 100% sure but they are from Manic Panic and I think they're called Paris Paris

"smolder" eye pencil and "blacktrack" fluidline

mineralize pressed powder
"blacktrack" fluidline

Everything is from MAC except lashes.


I want to share this post that my body modification artist, Chai, wrote yesterday, can also be found on Calms blog: www.calmbodymod.com/blog. I'm getting more and more sick and tired of not only TV4 (a television channel in Sweden) but also our radio stations and other television channels. I've recently started to see that they are far from as great, neutral and caring as most people seem to think. I will not rant about that, I'd say ,read his story down below. 

Pictures from Miss Button's Jewelry and Chai's instagram.

Ok.. Let the rant begin... Since I have a lot of non-Swedish-speaking-friends I'll keep this in English.


I performed two RFID-implants live on Nyhetsmorgon on Swedish TV4 early this morning. It was a blast and everyone was super nice and humble. I got extremely well taken care of by everyone in the building but especially by the show hosts, make-up artists, producers and assistants. I arrived with a smile and I left with a bigger smile.

As many of you know I've chosen to follow Buddhism as a religious view and have been raised with Buddhist views of life from my loving mother who's from Thailand. I have also chosen to have the sacred swastika tattooed on my throat "guarded" by two Buddhas that are placed on both sides of my neck. A sacred symbol of LOVE, LIFE, LUCK and LIGHT. This, of course, created a shitstorm from the viewers. It's ok. I can take that as long as I can have a say. I was given the opportunity to explain my beliefs after an intermission of the show. I gladly accepted as I, as usual, saw this as a golden opportunity to educate those who has the belief that the swastika (which isn't a German word that many believe, but a Sanskrit word) was created by the nazis.

After I had explained my views live on tv it was time for me to leave the show and continue on with my day but only after they'd set up an interviewer and a cameraman outside the studio. They wanted a longer conversation about me and my use of the swastika to post on their webcast online. They wanted the interview to refer to if other viewers found themselves upset and in need of more answers. Great idea according to me! When I was done they escorted me out of the building and had a taxi waiting for me. I felt like a VIP!

This is where my disappointment begun...

As soon as I stepped in to my apartment I found out that that TV4 had removed everything from the web and had apologized to the public for having me in their show. THEY APOLOGIZED TO THE PUBLIC FOR HAVING ME ON THE SHOW!!! I've never felt so violated, offended and sad ever before. Because of people's ignorance of history beyond 70 years ago I have to be stepped on PUBLICLY by one of the biggest broadcasting networks in Sweden. I expected more from TV4. You allowed the nazis to win. Don't you see that? Instead of actually stand your ground and display facts you chose to let uneducated people in this wonderful country to let the nazis win. Degrading and pathetic behavior! How about standing up for the more than 600 million people who still view the swastika, and has been for 3500 years, as the beautiful symbol that it is. Yes, it was stolen by an awful person during a dark period of Europe's history but given what it has been for a LONG period before those dark times, isn't it about time to take it back? Reclaim it? But no... You gave in to the mob created by a faulty educational system. That's what you did. You took a piss on my religion without hesitation. You chose to offend me deeply.

I doubt that this rant will have an effect but at least I let my voice be heard. I am a proud Buddhist and I won't apologize my beliefs. I am a body modification artist and if someone, someday comes up with an idea on how to implant spines in those who obviously lack them I will gladly offer the procedure for free.

That's what I had to say.

Your move, Anders Edholm (Press Officer for TV4 Nyhetsmorgon).

To all of you amazing people in my realm that has supported me (A HUGE THANK YOU!) by sharing your thoughts about this issue all over social media please contact TV4 if you feel that you can spend the energy. They need to know what they've done. What prevents them of stepping on your religion next?

Love and light! ❤️

My fav hoodies!

Direct links 

I often get asked where I get my hoodies that are high in neck and goes over my hips. I have three different ones, two black ones and one white. Two of them are another model but one of them are in the model on the picture above! Sadly I don't think you can order to other countries than Sweden, Norway, Finland, Denmark or Germany (that's the flags I see on the bottom of their page). I love this kind of model on hoodies. The only thing that would make them better is if the hood was bigger. I must give my thumbs up for the hood anyways because it's not so small that you can't use it!

thank you

I just want to thank you for all your kind words. I was expecting a lot of mean comments. I have not gotten one yet. Why I thought I would be getting mean ones is because I've been accused in the past for facing my illness and this was a very light build up. Or for me it is. I have no idea how others have it and don't mean to say that it's not hard if you have even lighter build ups (or what to call them) than I had in that video. It's so different from person to person. However since I only really know how it is for me I almost felt a bit silly. I did get a smaller attack later on, but it was over pretty quickly and I could go on with my day. My friend Charlie was going to come over (a part of why everthing felt so stressfull etc that day), he still cam and we baked, drank mulled wine and danced the dance game! We had a lot of fun!

I also want to thank Emilia (who I can't link to), who gave me the link to the health care guarantee. I knew I had read somewhere that I should get my investigation in THREE months tops. But I couldn't remember where. I think I read it in a forum or something. This means I have the right to start my invesstigation in a little less than two months. And not wait SIX months. I might be shipped of to new place, I don't really want that because I like the people at the place where I am now. But I still don't want to wait six more months. I feel so locked. I can't do a lot of things that I would like to do. Now I'm also scared about not beeing able to go on my abroad trip (that is booked and payed for). I really, really hope I can because last time it gave me a lot of strength to go someplace new, rest and work out. Now I don't think this place we're going is one of those hotels with exercise programs etc. But I will snorkle and bring my running shoes!

Thank you again everyone, also for beeing so understanding. I feel so bad and build up anxiety whenever I can't do things I've said I'm going to do. Like that video. I also build up anxiety when I can't or don't have anything to update my blog with. I think that's why I stoped blogging in the first place. I'm doing my best not to let it build up because of that though. I'm trying to tell myself that it's ok not updating everyday. I hope I'm getting there!


You can keep adding questions under this blogpost: http://yesterdaysvomit.blogspot.se/2014/12/q-video.html?showComment=1417745880057#c7207261677154787631 So sorry about this..
(don't worry about me, I'm fine and I did manage to calm down and I didn't even start drying. I'm a bit surprised and proud)

Q&A video

I'm planning on making a Q&A video. So if you have any questions for me it would be awesome if you would leave them (or it) in a comment under this blogpost. Depending on how many questions I get I was thinking about making more than one video. I guess I'll start of with a mix and then make more specific ones. You know, put them into different categories! I'm hoping to be able to make a video tomorrow already, if I don't get enough questions I'll just make a vlog instead ^--^

Chandelier, homade version.

Or else you will create a shot for shot, homemade version of the music video for Sia's "Chandelier."

This is great! I don't even know if I can believe that this was a bet and not staged. I mean, he's I think he's really good! Not really what I expect from someone doing a dare for losing a bet!

Sci-fi conventions shopping!

A few days ago I was at the Sci-fi convetnion with Roberto. It didn't go very well, but I did do some shopping! Here is all the things I got (except form some candy)!

This lovely Adventure Time cup! Both Roberto and I have a thing for cups right now. I got one with the Joker at gamex/comic con, Roberto got a Stormtrooper one there and a Guardians of the Galaxy at this convention. I really like this one because there is so much happening and I can sit for a long time making up stories about what's happening. I usually don't like to buy things with a lot of colors but I do make exceptions when it feels right. This didn't feel 100% right but I really like the picture so I thought that I would give it a chance!

This Decepticons usb memory and the Joker coaster! The usb was quite heavy, I didn't get it because it was a memory stick but because I like the decepticons logo and how it felt when I held it. Since it was a bit heavier (metal not plastic) I enjoyed holding it. I am pretty attatched to it. I will fill it with things I love! The Joker is one of my favourite characters, so I got pretty excited when I found a coaster with him that I liked! The cup I got at gamex/comic con (which I got from the same guy) matches really well with this coaster.

This Spock action figure and Transformer discs! I'm not going to write about Spock because this figure is the main reason why the visit to the convention got so messed up. Hopefully I will be over it soon so I will be able to look at it without getting feelings of anxiety bubbling up again. After getting these discs I would like to have the Soundwave figure that goes with them, or they go with Soundwave. You can put them into the Soundwave figure and shoot them out! I hope I will find it and not think it's too expensive. I didn't get them so I could put them into soundwave but because of how they look when you put them together. I'm going to keep the left one (on the bottom picture) in my bag. I like to keep things with me that I'm attatched to, it helps me when I start to get feelings of anxiety etc.

This lovely Star Trek poster! Maybe you've seen the posters I have up on Captain Kirk and Spock beside our TV. I got this one from the same guy. I will frame this one before I put it up though. Ohh that reminds me, I should save up money so I can frame the big Spock and Kirk posters too. I put them up with duct tape, so I will have to cut them of the wall with the tape still attached to them if I don't want to break them.

Kitty Pillow!

My last post was quite negative, although that's how I feel most of the time I do keep on doing my best to be postivite. I also want to write about the positive things that happened today! Or some of it.

I did manage to go to th surgeon, last time I had a panic attack and couldn't go. I  almost got one this time, but Roberto could go with me this time and that helped a lot. Everything went great there too, he didn't find anything that showed something bad from the operation, woho! Although he suggested me to go back to my other doctor and have what I brought up checked out. 

I did film a video today, TWICE! The first time around I was on my balcony, the sound was really bad so I had to do it all over again. I wasn't going to because I was starting to feel so down, but I did it anyways and I'm pretty proud that I did! I also cut the whole thing together and posted it.

Then Roberto asked if I wanted bruger and fries from a lovely little local burger place. So we had an amazing dinner and watched Wall-e. I love Wall-e, I want to be him with his little backpack and collect treasures! He (Roberto) also got me a present, it was a kitty pillow. It is supercute and I love it. He had named hir Puffsie ( he calls me Puffen, or the puff in English). I also had a lot of home made fudge that my mum made, yum yum. Although I have that everyday. But I think I ate the last today, so, no more fudge u__u; 

I don't know if I should play Pokémon or watch a movie now. I must rest and shut off my brain for a while. See you tomorrow!

I don't really care if I'm getting more sick...

This might be a "way to much information" post. About physical end mental illness and issues. Quite negative too, just so you know.

Tomorrow I'll be going to my doctor, again... I was at my surgeon today for my check up (many months later than it should have been due to stuff), he said that everything looked great and the swelling and soreness was not from any complications from the surgery. Which is good, as long as it's not anything worse. He suggested it may be hormonal imbalance. It sounds beliveble to me, I've read up on it and it can fit.

My tongue is also starting to swell up, I just talked to my mum and she thought I sounded ill, but it's just my tounge that is getting big. I also have these really wierd spots on it. I'vre tried to google it but nothing comes up that looks like it. The swelling could be because of hormonal imbalance too, but those wierds spots. Uhmmm... The ones that look most similare are the ones that turns out to be cancer, but it's still quite far from what mine looks like. I would take a picture haha but I don't think anyone would like to see that. People seem to think that kind of stuff is gross.

I've started to feel feverish, but I don't have fever, or I have fever according to me and my normal temperature, but not according to doctors. I get exhausted from walking up short hills or stairs, but I can dance quite a lot wihout getting tired. I also stink, I can't even wash off the smell, it's crazy. Once again hormonal imbalance could be the cause of it. But uh. I care less and less every day. I feel that a part of me even wish this is something serious so that I will get some help for something instead of just sitting around waiting...

I got a message today saying how long the waiting list is to get the investigation. It jut made me cry. It may not sound that much when I tell you, it's 6 months. But I'll explain why I took this they way I did (or am, I'm still really down about this).
When I got sent to this new place where I am right now and where my investigation for Autistic Spectrum Disorder is going to take place I got put on sickleave until Febuary. The way I understood that doctor (not my usual one), was that the investigation would most likely be over and done by then. When I started to go there, met a new doctor, a nurse and left som blood samples and such I asked how long it was going to take for the investigation to start. I then got the answer that "after you have started to leave tests it doesn't take long". So I thought, that meant 3 months, tops. I also got put on a priority list (which I have no hopes for at all at the moment), that made me think it could take only 1-2 months before we got started.
I've had this whole idéa built up that I would be done with this before my birthday. Now it looks like I will not even have begun before my birthday. When these sort of things happens my whole world sort of collpases. I had this thing all figured out, how it was going to go, I even put on extra months so I wouldn't get to where I am right now. Because I know that I get like this and I do my best to avoid it. But then this happened and I feel that I don't even want to do this anymore.

I can't really go anywhere either. Because I have appointments at this place once a week. I wish I could just go away and stay with my parents for a while. But no. I oculd for about a week. I will go and visit, but I just feel locked to waiting. I know that's in my imagination but it's very hard to break free from.

I've been on sick leave for more or less 1 and a half year now. At first I thought I was going back pretty soon. Now I know that's highly unlikely. Then in the begining of this summer I got an appointment to a psychologist, I thought that's when my investigation started. Turned out that was not the case. It was some sort of "before investigation" thing, I think. Then she sent me forward to another place (where I am now) and, everything goes so slowly and I feel as if I'm standing still just waiting whie nothing is happening.

So, tomorrow I'll be going back to my doctor. I was there last friday to check up on the swelling in my breasts (I did mention this a little earlier), she didn't find anything then. So that's good, I hope. But I forgot about my tongue and now when it has started to swell up and look even worse I have to go back. Internet told me so haha. A nurse I called for guidence also told me to go to my doctor as soon as possible so, mjeh, going back. Hopefully I'll know more about what's going on tomorrow.

Roligaprylar.se, julklappstips haul!

This video is in Swedish

Här kommer lite roliga julklappstips från RoligaPrylar.se. Alla olika saker ligger på under 200kr, julklappar behöver inte vara dyra för att vara bra!

the light bulb conspiracy

I posted this documentary yesterday, but the Swedish version. A very kind person, Kassandra, told me where to find the English version. So here it is! It is about how products we buy are made to break, so that we will keep consuming. It brings up how we dump our old shit in different countries in Africa and a whole lot more. I fell I can't explain it that well, I recommend you to watch it!

True Adventurer!

I've been looking for a backpack for hours now. I've been thinking about it for over a year. I want one that I can bring with me on my little adventures outdoors. I've found a few on ebay that I'm thinking about. Sadly the shipping sometimes costs more than the bag itself (if you want to get it to Sweden). Uually that's the one(s) you want the most because they seem to be better quality. Although I don't think I need a super quality one to begin with. I will start of with something cheaper to see if it's something I'm going to use.

1 - 2 - 3
4 - 5 - 6

yawn yawn

I was going to film a video today, and make two other blog posts. But I was at my, hmm... not therapist. It's this person I'm just seeing that i talk to until my investigtion starts but is not a therpist or psychologist. Anyway, when I got home Roberto and I fell alseep and we've been sleeping for hours now... I'm still super tired of course. I only get tired from sleeping like this during the day, I suppose most people do. It's so dark here now that it's not as fun taking photos because they usually don't end up as good as in daylight.

I don't even really remember right now what I was going to post about. My brain is pretty tired too. Haha. Tomorrow I'm going back to my doctor who made my breast reduction for a check up. You know that one I was going to go back to months, and months ago. Lately they've been swelling up quite a bit, not grown but swelling. One of the doctors I go to said I trouble with my lymph nodes, so that the water in my body don't get transportet properly. I did go and see my house doctor too and she couldnät find anything that indicated on something serious, I didn't think it was but better safe than sorry! So tomorrow I'll see what my surgeon has to say about it.

I apologize for beeing a little off the last days, but I've been pretty down and, well, I hope it's about to turn around so I will have some energy for my blog again!

Baby Bat Burritos

I love bats, or animals over all, but bats are so amazingly beautiful! Here are some supercute baby bats to make your morning a lovely one! So when your monday feels a bit though, just picture these super cute bats and a ray of happiness and bat love will come your way!

Sci-fi convention and Pokémon.

Today Roberto and I went to the yearly sci-fi convention in Stockholm. I bought a bunch of stuff that I was going to show in a video and I was so up and happy about it but.. When we were there I got an attack because one of the things I bought was or got broken in some strange way and we went back to talk to them. Oh and I can't really explain why this attack happened because it started to build up way before we went back and it has to do with a lot of things. Anyway, Roberto got me out of there since I couldn't really see where I was going and after a while he went back to talk to them. All of the similar items was a bit damaged and they managed to find a new one of the item I had gotten. Which was very kind of them since neither we or them know for sure if it was broken when we got it or not. Still, after that my energy was drained. I had seen two other items I wanted, so I bought them and we went back home. 

I've only been laying in the sofa playing Pokémon since. Oh I did eat too. So far I'm not super happy with the game, but I think it will get better after a few more hours. I have not read much about it, I don't like doing that before playing a game, but there must be a reason why there are so few different pokémons. I hope. I also miss beeing able to personalize your character. I wish I had read that before playing so I could have choosen the guy instead. The girl has so much yellow on and haha it's so silly, bit me and certain colors don't always go so well together.

I've also had another parcel arive that I have to pick up, so another haul will be coming shortly. It will be in Swedish though. I may do a haul on what I got at the convention, but I feel that I'm just making videos all the time right now, you may start to get bored! I'm going to get back to playing again. Try to regain some energy, maybe be able to go for a run later or at least play some Just Dance!

Tutorial party!

Since I've removed a bunch of my old posts, my old tutorials aren't up on my blog (only one of them). There were some trouble republishing them, I have no idea why. When I was going to the video didn't show up. So, here are all my old tutorials again!